I had to remind my girls several times this morning to get their chores done. They do tend to get distracted most mornings, and when they’ve scattered to the four corners of the house leaving the table littered with their breakfast dishes Mama is generally less than pleased with her young’uns.

When I called out to see where they’d gotten to, I was thinking of all the things that need to get done today . With their first drama class bright & early tomorrow morning, and Ju-Jutsu tomorrow night we’ve got extra laundry to wash, snacks to prepare, clothes to lay out, bus schedules to verify….

Playing hide and seek with the kids was not what I wanted to be doing, knowing just how busy the rest of this week is going to be.

When I called out I expected the girls would be messing about in the kitchen or their brother’s room, or in their own rooms hauling out every garment they own before they decide what to wear.

What a surprise I got, when they all came away from the television with their heads hung low.

All together watching TV, I can picture. But this morning they hadn’t tuned in the cartoons. They weren’t watching a DVD on the sly instead of getting ready for our morning’s study. What was so interesting that they couldn’t tear themselves away to do the chores they knew very well they are expected to do each & every day?

The morning news!

I ask you, how can a mother get angry at that? My littlest, only four years old, came trotting over & pulled herself up into my lap as I sat at my desk trying to decide just what to say to them. “It’s going to be sunny weather all the rest of the week, Mama!” she cried excitedly.

My preschooler was taking pleasure in the weather forecast?

I guess we must be doing something right….

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This seems to be a tense time of year for some homeschooling parents, so I thought a bit of reassurance was in order. If you’ve been reading the last few posts on legal concerns you may have figured by now that it is a perfectly legal option to educate your kids at home. In fact, in Quebec the law actually says something that all parents should give due consideration:

The primary responsibility for the care, maintenance and education of a child and for ensuring his supervision rests with his parents.
~ R.S.Q., chapter P-34.1, YOUTH PROTECTION ACT; Section 2.2

If you’ve ever felt guilty or nervous for choosing to homeschool, think on this: You may choose to have your child attend a public or private school if that suits you, just as you may choose to hire a babysitter to occasionally take care of your child while you are away from home or perhaps to leave your child with a family member or enroll him in daycare so you can go out to work. But caring for your child is your responsibility first, and having another person supervise him when you need to be elsewhere is a choice, much as entrusting him to another adult for his education should be a choice.

Although we are sometimes made to feel we are in a precarious position both legally and in terms of our children’s academic and social growth, opting to homeschool is not depriving a child of an education. It is simply reclaiming the obligation that is already ours by law.

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The content of this blog is offered in the spirit of sharing information and ideas, and all factual information is accurate to the best of my knowledge at the time of writing. Please be aware that laws change and new requirements may be imposed on homeschooling parents. I am not an expert. You should consult legal counsel for the best advice on homeschool legalities and your rights as a home educator.

Some time ago I spoke a bit about writing and why I write. There are those of us who write because we don’t easily think of things to say when we are face to face with people. It is always afterwards, sitting down with a pad and pencil in hand, or in front of the computer screen with a cup of hot tea at my side that I formulate the things I really want to say to people. The clever retorts to friendly teasing or to the rude woman at the grocery store, but also the heartfelt expressions of love or gratitude to people who mean a great deal to me.

I am a writer because I am driven to write and, as my husband was heard to say earlier this evening, I write not to earn praise or to say things I know others want to hear. I write to say things that simply must be said. There are better writers than I, and certainly those who are more disciplined in their writing. There are many times when I know that I fall short of communicating the thing I want my readers to understand, but I continue to write and I continue to perfect the craft of writing.

I was told tonight that someone I respect had popped into the Freehold recently, and that he was touched by some of the things I have written. As I said before I don’t set out to please; I just write what I feel. I can only hope that when I am expressing those sentiments of gratitude, of love, or of respect, that the message gets across to people who need to hear it. This time it did, and I feel most honoured to know that you were moved by what I wrote.

Many thanks to Charlie & Christine for the compliments, but also for your interest and your trust in my skills as a writer. Domo arigato gozaimasu.

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We’ve all heard them, those ads for charitable organizations that want us all to dig into our pockets and sponsor a child in a developing country - or abused animals, or political prisoners, or, or, or……

It’s a good marketing strategy. Show footage of little kids in a state that makes us feel uncomfortable - digging in garbage heaps or wearing rags, not even bothering to brush off the flies that land on them. Then tell us how lucky we are, and how we can change these children’s lives, for only a few dollars a month. The whole effect is wrapped up by then showing us the same little ones, in tidy school uniforms or colourful play clothes. They are smiling, reading, playing. We’re told that they’ll get clean water, food, medical care, an education, and that their whole family or village will benefit too. How could we withhold these things from such precious children? It’s less than the cost of a daily cup of coffee (or is that an insurance ad, now? Hmmm, perhaps the similarity is not accidental…..)

The thing is, I think we want to do good. We want to reach out and make someone’s life better. We’re even happier when we get patted on the back for it, when we get letters and photos that prove we’re making a change for someone halfway around the world, when we’re told what a great difference we’re making in that person’s life.

But should we need all that attention to do good? Do we only choose to help if there’s a tangible, immediate & continued reward in it for us? How about just pleasing ourselves? How about just being able to smile to ourselves and know that we helped someone? How about just being happy that we’ve made someone else happy?

Some of you may remember a TV ad campaign from back in the 1970’s, where ordinary people were shown doing nice things like helping to carry groceries. The message of those ads was that there are opportunities all around you to help others: you don’t need to sign up for a monthly financial commitment, or to volunteer regularly at the local hospital/school/library/food bank to do good. If these things truly call to you, by all means, do them! But they aren’t the only way for us to “do good,” to live a life that includes some service.

Those of you who know me well, will know that I devoted a significant portion of my time to community service, from my very early teens until after the birth of my second child. I was proud to be a volunteer, and I’m still proud to know that I did good. I grew concerned, though, when the term “volunteerism” began to be tossed about.

How did we get from simply doing good, to an organized movement? How did we go from people simply feeling good about helping, to the point where companies were sending out donation forms in employee pay packets, all filled in with the “appropriate” level of contribution and lacking only the employee’s signature to make them legal?

Something was rotten in the state of Denmark, so to speak. There’s a lot more than stinks about volunteerism too, but I’ll leave that for another post - perhaps in another forum.

I don’t want to discourage those of you who volunteer each week for the local animal shelter, or who raise funds for medical research. I’d be the last one to say you’re not needed. But for a moment I’d like to invite you to give some consideration to the simple act of doing good. You don’t need to read a book about it, watch a movie, or put up a video on YouTube to publicize your efforts. You don’t need Oprah to feature you on her show, nor do you need to join an email loop for the specific purpose of discussing your random acts of kindness. And if you decide to keep a journal of all the good you do, I hope it’s a private thing, just for yourself. I hope you also write in it the good things that others do for you.

A dear friend of mine sings the praises of just about every person she’s ever met. Sometimes it seems a little over the top, but I’ve seen people look at each other through new eyes after being introduced by Barbara. Another really cool thing Barbara does is to “catch” people doing good. She hugs them and kisses them, she writes them little notes of thanks. She stops them to say they’ve made a difference in her life. Being fond of the English language and not one to toss all the efforts of my elementary teachers out the window, I rarely use this turn of phrase: but Barbara is one of the “goodest” people I know. The good she does is genuine, and she takes pleasure in doing it - in her own boisterous, chaotic, bordering on obsessive way. On my better days I try to be more like Barbara. On my best days I succeed. (There, I’ve made up for murdering a comparative!)

But let’s get back to that whole $10 a month and one coffee a day theme. Beyond opening doors for each other or helping a friend in need, beyond thanking the bus driver or wishing the shop clerk a good day, there is another way to do good. It’s simple: put your money where your heart is.

What do I mean by that? I mean this: if the TV footage of complete strangers has you digging into your wallet, it should be a more automatic gesture when it comes to folks you do know. Spend locally, support local tradespeople and small businesses. You don’t need to be told where your $10 is going to know your neighbours have rents or mortgages to pay, that they have operating costs and salaries, and families at home depending on them to bring home the bacon. Before the era of the NGO marketing campaigns we just knew these things, we realized them without having to be told, and we did what we could to contribute to the well being of our communities. It wasn’t about tax shelters or guilt, nor about glamour and being patted on the back for our “sacrifice”.

I find myself realizing today that I probably don’t do enough to pass this lesson on to my kids. Sure, we patronize the local dépanneur instead of choosing to buy things like milk & bread at the grocery store. Sure, we make choices like joining the small, local dojo instead of finding a bigger martial arts school somewhere else. And we don’t just spend money at these places, we become emotionally involved with them. We make friends of the owners, share job leads with their children, encourage our kids when they want to give them handmade cards and cookies at the holidays. But sometimes I wonder if the girls understand why we do these things. Perhaps it bears some discussion in the coming weeks….

I said yesterday that I want to teach my children to live right, and to help other people. This is part of that lesson in right living: that when a person does something mechanically because of a moment’s guilt or because it it expected of them, and then they forget it, they are just one of the minions of “volunteerism.” When a person makes choices out of kindness, there is no guilt and no need for rewards. There is also no feeling that the giver is superior to the recipient. Everyone benefits, everyone derives happiness from the act. We are part of a living community.

That is service. That is the value I wish for my children to learn and to live. That is what I learned from watching my parents.

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My youngest left today for her very first sleep-over without Mommy & Daddy. She and one of her sisters are spending the weekend with their Nanny & Old Fart. (For those who find themselves uncomfortable with the appellation, yes this is really what he wants to be called.) As the girls left I gave them a charge many of you will be familiar with, in some form or other: “Be good for Daddy on the way over.” “Be polite. Remember to say please and thank you.” “Help Nanny look after your little sister.” “Remember to pack a sweater.” “You may take one dolly with you.” “If you get homesick, tell Nanny & she’ll help you call home.”

The last thing on the list (before “Have fun”) was to help Nanny out around the house. At this my wiser, more knowing seven year old piped up, “But what if there isn’t anything to help with? Nanny always does everything.”

My answer to that was simple: Then you can say, “How can I help, Nanny?”

If Nanny truly doesn’t need the help she might say something like, “You can help by just sitting at the table nicely and waiting for your supper.” Then again, maybe she might actually have something she needs help with. Maybe she just hasn’t thought to ask for help, or doesn’t realize what the girls are capable of doing. People rarely ask for help if they think they won’t get it.

That’s a sort of obvious thing to say. But sometimes it bears saying all the same. When people don’t ask, it’s because they don’t expect to get the help. Most people, when the help is offered, will gladly accept it. In my experience such acceptance is usually preceded by a smile, and perhaps even a sigh of relief.

I was moved last week when I read of a woman I know who is overwhelmed with work, commitments to friends and family, and her community service.

I remember being that woman.

I remember feeling I was banging my head against a brick wall - usually over one of two things: either I needed help and couldn’t find anyone who was willing to do the jobs that needed doing - everyone wanted the jobs that were easy or glamorous, but no one was ready to do the real work - or I saw someone struggling and wanted to help, but my offers were not taken seriously. The person had likely heard it before, “I’ll come by sometime and give you a hand with that.” Or worse, “You should get some help with that, it’s too much for one person.”

Helping means doing what is really needed, when it’s needed. Not doing what you feel like doing, on your own schedule.

A third phenomenon I’ve experienced is that of a crowd of people on the outside of a community or a project, looking in and complaining about all the failings of the people doing the work and about all the things they aren’t getting done. I’d love to ask people like that one question: have you offered to help? Those who stand around on the outside and never so much as lift a finger to help, they haven’t earned permission to criticize.

A great teacher died yesterday. I never had the privilege of studying with him, never met him or anyone who knew him. But through the magic of technology today I was able to bring a piece of him back from beyond the veil of death. He said many things that touched me, that made me laugh, made me cry. One of things he taught was that it’s important to help others, in particular to help them realize their dreams. He said to be good to people. Lead a good life and karma will take care of the rest. Karma brings the opportunities that we need right to our own doorsteps.

As my children grow older I hope that they learn that lesson. I hope that they learn to live it and to teach it to others, in their own turn. There is always someone nearby who needs help, however small. You’ll never know what you can do unless you say those words - “How can I help?”

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